The love of God is not just unconditional, it is IMPOSSIBLE! Was out for dinner with Jan yesterday and we were discussing the need to feel the gravity of bad choices we make and not simply glossing over them because Christ paid for them. There are some things others are comfortable with, which I fine with, but just can’t be convinced of the same.
I was close to tears reflecting on the blessedness of every experience of grace I have experienced in the past 1.5 years at work, the good along with the bad. And I’d thought I wouldn’t want to live this life without any negative emotions coz they have made me a better person. I will leave in 4 weeks deeply treasuring the quarrels I’ve had with people because they have made me more aware, and my choices have changed from something superficial to something touching my heart – made out of love rather than habit.
Christ Himself learned obedience through suffering. He did not come to take humanity from us but to restore its richness and original purpose to us by destroying sin’s power over us with His death on the Cross. Although I do not run towards suffering, I do not run away from it if it happens.
If I had not quarreled with H, my awareness of our differences would be superficial. But because we fought and hurt each other in the process, it becomes something personal to me. My indifference/treating it like a game of ritual observance becomes a choice I make out of love. It becomes a part of me and extends beyond our friendship. Even in the making of a powerpoint, I ask if the races are represented enough and I feel sad that it may not be equal even though the percentages may be right. Life is never totally fair but I hope that in our hearts it can be. That is the gift, friendship with H has brought me. And with every person, something precious/ priceless.
I think that if we were given a life without pain, such a life would be a living hell. Superficiality for me is the greatest pain, so I’d rather ask to grow through my pain to obey God and see others. (And hopefully, others will see and forgive me for the pain I bring to them.)
Be kind to the girl with the tree growing from her head! (Haha, from a book I read on rights of children. I still do not understand why the boy had a rambutan tree growing on his head but I think it means someone with something in his life that has sprung up out of no choice of his.)