Cheryl's "made-in-Japan" scrump her lao gong lovingly bought for her

I will be in stitches in a couple of hours when Cheryl’s name changes to “Scrump Too” on facebook. That girl is hilarious and has taught me much about generosity of heart towards the ones we love. Perhaps we have taught each other in our crazy weeks of stress and excess! We now behave like we are the richest people on planet earth, with no regard for spending money on food for friends. Today someone asked to borrow $2 (coz her wallet was upstairs) and we asked if she wanted more. When she asked for $2 more, it was heartily given. It felt good that she asked, like we were her friends and would surely provide for her.

Some days the world feels like kindi where we share our food and help one another. I wished though that I had been better at controlling my temper and kinder in my thoughts, words and actions. Lord, I am sorry for the things I did not do out of love today, pls forgive me and help me to love better tomorrow.

成经拥有却无法珍惜。放弃了却忘不了。爱一个人有时必放他走，不再伤害他。再找不到深爱，觉得没必要结， 拥有过已足够了?

Up since 3am figuring something out. I wonder if the decision was already made in a previous entry.

So blessed, so blessed. Wasn’t expecting from where the blessings would come from but sometimes life takes you on unexpected paths..

Home is where love is and honesty dwells. A place of refuge and a very great joy is the heart of a friend :).

Listening to this song and.. it makes sense too.. how do I go back? My heart cries though it’s not rational.. maybe this is home.

Suddenly find myself getting very attached this week. 2 months in. Not something I deliberately set out to feel.. but how does one stop the process of getting close to someone, not understanding how it happens in the 1st place.

Something happens in the process of honest communication..

What a relief to be able to speak honestly from the heart with the security that feelings will be heard and considered. A place of rest. Strength to strength, weakness mourned and helped up, strength covering weakness.. Thank you JQ.

I like change but every time it takes its toll. I guess the difference right now is that I’m not bored yet and have just gotten used to working relationships. What’s the same is that I’m still scared of things I have no idea I have skillsets for. And yet it has been a discovery of skills I never knew I had. Full of surprises :).

I wish I knew what is best. But I guess the stress/grief comes from having forgotten that my tomorrow is important to God and He is in the business of making it happen. Sometimes effectiveness has a way of tricking us into taking control of our own lives apart from God.

I think the Bible has a different effect when we know His heart of deepest love for us.. otherwise, the verses seem somewhat callous/dictatorial, which our Abba in Heaven is not..

Proverbs 16:1-3 (The Message) – Mortals make elaborate plans, but God has the last word. 2 Humans are satisfied with whatever looks good; God probes for what is good. 3 Put God in charge of your work, then what you’ve planned will take place.

Proverbs 16:10-13 (The Message) – A good leader motivates,
doesn’t mislead, doesn’t exploit. 11 God cares about honesty in the workplace; your business is his business. 12 Good leaders abhor wrongdoing of all kinds; sound leadership has a moral foundation. 13 Good leaders cultivate honest speech; they love advisors who tell them the truth.

He loves us, O how He loves us.. It’s not that our emotions aren’t important or deeply considered but we cannot make good decisions based on what we feel.

I guess maybe I am ready to move on. Or am I? Sigh. I love life.

At different times and in different places, I have found myself maintaining systems I don’t fully understand or agree with, putting in hours of effort to achieve something less than satisfactory. After a while I lose faith in my ideals and the ability to help build a better world, and life drones on.

Yet here they are, people who have done it in their lives, speaking from real experiences. Humble, funny, real people at peace with themselves and concerned about others. How they do it? o_O

They remind me to find a passion that is mine and to live it everyday. To grow a humble heart and generously credit everyone who is part of the team. To give my best in everything. To plan for the future and nurture the next generation. To pursue truth at all cost and courageously take a stand. To learn to see another and practise compassion even towards the enemy. To develop a sense of humour and laugh at life with others. To be devoted to our common and global humanity. And to provide for and protect the weakest members..

Whiles I’m worried about the inevitable fading of this glow, I’m certain that when it happens there’ll just be a new round of reminders ;). *Fysi, I likes Seely Booth in Bones!

*(fie-see) / for your seely information

I think in life we all get dealt blows. Hardly anyone’s life is simple or easy. Most of the time, coming out on the other side, I can see the value of the trials and struggles. Yet there are emotions tied to the hardships we experience. And once in a while, it is good to not intellectualize things and allow some good in, some care to the hands that have worked hard, to the feet that have traveled much.

I’m not sure if I can subject anyone to washing my feet again but it’s been a good experience.. I’d thought, “how can I subject another human being, who is my equal, to the degrading task of washing my feet, of sanding away my dead skin and having it land on her clothes?” And I’d pondered Christ’s answer to Peter’s understandable protest: “You will never wash my feet”. (John 13:6-14, NIV.)

“Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” Jesus did not think it beneath Him to wash His disciples’ feet but rather bade them to love and serve each other in the same way because this is who He is and what His Kingdom is about. Washing feet can be the kindest thing you do for someone; and the one who washes feet for the well-being of another may not be the lesser one. Life isn’t always as it’s painted.

Going to bed blessed :).

Marriage has been given quite a bad name these days with one too many celebrity affairs. I am surprised that people are surprised. Surely this happens fairly commonly and everyone’s family has stories.

But maybe most people aren’t surprised, they may act surprised to appear decent. Some may be relieved they aren’t the only perpetrators; others, comforted that they aren’t the only victims; and of course, a few, honestly surprised.

The public nature of celebrity infidelities allows us to openly grieve the wretchedness of human imperfection and the deep pain of betrayal (inflicted on those we love and ourselves.)

*****

Yet if we were to look at how things are (or are heading): multi sex-partners before marriage (even if it’s one after another in a series of monogamous relationships), surely we have to question how one is expected/able to only have sex with one person after marriage. For where will he/she have learnt the discipline of controlling his/her desires? The earlier one starts experimenting (at an age where he/she is overrun by hormones), the greater difficulty he/she will have in developing control.

Surely we are able to see the road ahead if this trend continues? Perhaps it’s time to study strong marriages: how do/did they stay faithful and why?

*****

I wonder if given the right combination of factors, many of us are/will be capable of sexual infidelity. It’s not healthy to dwell in constant fear and suspicion (probably worse than betrayal itself) because it will rob of the most important thing in a relationship: intimacy. But if we are aware of our vulnerabilities and can talk about it, we may not be taken quite so by surprise..

In the end, even if we are able to understand and eventually forgive, there is no right reason for betrayal.

i want to talk and talk and talk until it makes sense so it was good to finally meet Yeeevon at the bus-stop. it happens so rarely these days we had to arrange to meet.

we talked about dum stuff.

Me: There’s a New York, New York here.
Y: Where? Is it new?
Me: It’s NEW York? *rolls eyes*
(it’s so stupid we laugh. And we laugh at ourselves laughing at something so stupid.)

and more heartfelt things.

I think we need encouragement to keep going. To remind each other of what is real and meaningful to us, how we want to grow and serve. It helps coz sometimes what is asked of us feels so skin-deep.

At first intellectual prowess, physical beauty, and outward perfection captures but then it fades and i don’t notice it much anymore. i want to be part of an unknown crowd, pulling together towards something bigger than myself. i want to stop fussing over petty things that can become easy excuses for picking fights and having disagreements.

i am angry that the color of our skin is more impt than the commonality we share as human beings. enraged that picking on others makes us feel better about ourselves. i’m not saying that it’s fair or that we’re capable of it at this time, rather that i wish someday we will be able to see beyond. perhaps in our children’s time, or their children’s time. can we build these tools of reasoning into them at a young age so they will think differently from us?

i wonder if we want it bad enough that we should stay till we are able to make a difference, not as an individual but as a collective. it seems laughable that we should even bother thinking about such things coz really, who cares? and who knows if it will not degenerate like systems of C have.

yet i want to think, i want to care, i want to be enraged, i want my heart to be broken: because without passion, vision, or cause, it feels like i live my life in vanity and in vain.

Today SC(AD) says I am “no good” coz I haven’t gone back to visit. Haha. She is so cute. Still think she is pretty awesome and I’ve learned a lot working under her. Looking for that thank you card and gift still. Need to get la, at least the card, she treasures these things and so I want to tell her how wonderful she is.
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Was talking to Pat today and telling her about my call to missions since I was 10 or 11. Usually don’t talk about it. For the most part of it, my brain finds it hard to explain and I just feel awkward talking about it. Who would understand such ‘incredulous’ things.

Whether it is her life experiences or the time, or both, it was easy for me to talk to her about it. A call is a call, it is not difficult nor noble nor anything out of the ordinary. A call to be a teacher or any other profession takes you through your job regardless. So my call takes me through regardless. In that way, it is ‘easy’ and I do not think about it. I take it wherever I go till God gives me further notice.

How do we launch ourselves into conversations of the heart without effort or restraint? This is what I appreciate about the people I know.
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When I really think about it, it’s only been 2 days… but a week’s or more worth of experiences and conversations have passed…