Still drowsy from a cold last Friday, I texted a friend within the office:
“Tired. Tired, tired, tired, tired. Tired. Borrow d stuffed turtle pls?”
A while later, I feel something soft on my shoulder. Turtle. And Kiwi (with nature sounds.) Hahahaha. Friends at work. Blessed.
Listening to this song and.. it makes sense too.. how do I go back? My heart cries though it’s not rational.. maybe this is home.
Suddenly find myself getting very attached this week. 2 months in. Not something I deliberately set out to feel.. but how does one stop the process of getting close to someone, not understanding how it happens in the 1st place.
Something happens in the process of honest communication..
What a relief to be able to speak honestly from the heart with the security that feelings will be heard and considered. A place of rest. Strength to strength, weakness mourned and helped up, strength covering weakness.. Thank you JQ.
Had an arsing good time miscommunicating with the masseuse at a Javanese massage place who only spoke Malay. i don’t know why we tried but we laughed ourselves silly. More with each entanglement.
Masseuse: You speak Bahasa?
Me: No, but you can try.Masseuse: If join member $150, facial free and t…
Me: Free facial?
Masseuse: Yes and t….
Me: Oh, tummytuck free also.
Massuese: Yes.
Me: But I don’t need tummytuck.
*we holler*She tries again
Masseuse: If member ..$40.
Me: How much if not member?
Masseuse: Dua empat (she puts out 2 and 4 fingers together.)
Me: $24? But you said member $40? (great logic.)
*we repeat hollering*Masseuse: … reception …
Me: Ok, I’ll check with reception later :).She helps me: Saya tak boleh cakap Melayu (translated: I can’t speak Malay.) But I’m not sure it mattered.
Between my almost “52h lecture + some online learn-it-yourself” Malay and her “key-words” English, we had a laughing good time.
So glad they didn’t have a chair available for foot reflexology so I got to climb upstairs and sleep on the bed. Very relaxing with the water sounds, repetitive music and strong herbal aroma. Made me think of Bali and the open-air toilets, and Nepal where goats roamed the mountains and almost butted us off a steep embankment.. :)
An exhausting 7 weeks and then a shift in the making. Keeps me on my toes.
I like change but every time it takes its toll. I guess the difference right now is that I’m not bored yet and have just gotten used to working relationships. What’s the same is that I’m still scared of things I have no idea I have skillsets for. And yet it has been a discovery of skills I never knew I had. Full of surprises :).
I wish I knew what is best. But I guess the stress/grief comes from having forgotten that my tomorrow is important to God and He is in the business of making it happen. Sometimes effectiveness has a way of tricking us into taking control of our own lives apart from God.
I think the Bible has a different effect when we know His heart of deepest love for us.. otherwise, the verses seem somewhat callous/dictatorial, which our Abba in Heaven is not..
Proverbs 16:1-3 (The Message) – Mortals make elaborate plans, but God has the last word. 2 Humans are satisfied with whatever looks good; God probes for what is good. 3 Put God in charge of your work, then what you’ve planned will take place.
Proverbs 16:10-13 (The Message) - A good leader motivates,
doesn’t mislead, doesn’t exploit. 11 God cares about honesty in the workplace; your business is his business. 12 Good leaders abhor wrongdoing of all kinds; sound leadership has a moral foundation. 13 Good leaders cultivate honest speech; they love advisors who tell them the truth.
He loves us, O how He loves us.. It’s not that our emotions aren’t important or deeply considered but we cannot make good decisions based on what we feel.
I guess maybe I am ready to move on. Or am I? Sigh. I love life.
I found an “inner animal” app on my couz’ fb pg. Was fun coz there were only 5 questions and not silly ones I couldn’t answer. Not sure I’m the picture of swan-like serenity though. Eagle can?
Yet some of it is surprisingly accurate, like holding a grudge if my friends get hurt *x_O* and bubble baths (loved forest fern as a tween.)
.Animal: Swan.Name: Serenity.Personality: You are beautiful, whether you know it or not. You care for others and even if people don’t know it, you hold everybody close to your heart.Wish: Your wish is to one day, be free from everything around you. You want to go far away, you will miss your family and friends but you believe it is for the best.Friends: Your friends with everyone, some more then others. If you meet someone they are on your friends list. But if someone were to hurt someone close to you, you will hold a grudge against him or her for a very, very long time.Color: You like pale colors, preferably a light blue, green, purple or pink.Stone: White Sapphire.Hobbies: You should consider meditating, yoga, and things of that sort. Something relaxing. Maybe take a bubble bath.Quote: “Dare to dream, dare to fly, dare to be the ever chosen one to touch the sky.” –Quote I read somewhere. “The only thing better then love, is freedom.” –Quote by me. This quote is my opinion no one else’s. I’m sorry if you got this and you don’t believe that quote, it could also be that you believe freedom is a great part of life..
Attachment is..
Makes me think 3 to 5 was an age I felt secure (with my nanny) and trusted and obeyed (!!) despite having a mind of my own..
Happiness is..
It makes me think that period in my life as a teenager hanging out with the guys was safe and uncomplicated..
